Coca Cola and Milk Duds
by TJ Sparkles
Summary: Christian hates Coca-Cola. Chris likes to annoy his best friend by purposely making him mad. But Christian knows how to get his revenge. Chris Jericho & Christian Cage oneshot. WRITTEN FOR KATROADKILL.


**A/N: Dedicated to Kat RoadKill. You always make me laugh and I love the convos we have every night on MSN. (Chris & Chrissy, LMAO) This is for you, my dear. And to my twinny, I love you :) Where would I be without your support?**

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"Chris, get me a drink while you're up," Christian Cage ordered his best friend. Chris Jericho sighed and shook his head as he got up off the couch that he had been sitting on with his friend, watching a hockey game. _Why can't he get his lazy butt up off the couch and get his own drink?_ Chris thought. But he didn't say anything; he simply went into the kitchen and grabbed two Cokes. Christian smiled at his fellow Canadian as Chris sat down beside him and handed him the Coke, popping his open and taking a drink. But his smile quickly faded, and he shot a glare at his friend, who was now immersed in the hockey game.

"Dude." Christian stated, shaking his head. Chris set his Coke down on the smooth oak table and uncrossed his legs as he noticed the scowl on his friend's face. Christian was just staring at his Coke like it would bite him or something. Chris rolled his eyes at the expression on Christian's face and took the Coke from him.

"What is it?" he asked innocently, but he knew full well what was wrong. Christian hated Coca-Cola and he was pissed that Chris had given one to him. _Maybe next time he'll get up and get his own drink, _Chris thought. Getting the Coca-Cola had not been a mistake—he'd intended to piss Christian off. Truthfully, he was surprised that Christian wasn't making a bigger scene.

"You know I **hate** Coke," Christian replied, emphasizing the word 'hate'. "Why didn't you get me a Mountain Dew or Dr. Pepper or something?"

Chris smirked and shrugged, an innocent smile on his face. The two of them had a daily routine where they'd hang out, either at Christian's or Jericho's house, watch movies or hockey, and play Scrabble. Chris always wanted to play Mind Trap, but Christian never wanted to. He didn't like that game because it required him to "think" and that was no fun. _My best friend is retarded,_ Chris often thought. He loved hanging out with Christian, but he was like a stray dog—Chris had fed him one day, and ever since then Christian had been by his side.

"You know there's no getting rid of me, right?" Christian reminded him, as he always did on a daily basis. "I'm like that annoying neighbor that you invite over for drinks one day and never wants to leave." He always thought that he was funny. _Funny looking, _Chris thought.

"Or like a case of herpes," Chris pointed out. "I can get rid of you for a little while, but you eventually come back to bug the hell out of me."

A shocked look came over Christian's face, and he pouted, which caused his nose to scrunch up. Chris thought it made him look like a Chihuahua.

"Okay, did you seriously just compare my company to a sexually transmitted disease?" Christian asked, with an insulted tone to his voice. Chris grinned. It was funny getting his friend all worked up. Christian would probably throw a temper tantrum soon if Chris kept insulting him, which Chris fully intended to do. It was mean, but also funny.

"Awww, Chrissy, are you crying?" Chris asked, as he tried not to laugh. If he wasn't mistaken, those were tears that were running down Christian's red cheeks. It never failed—any time he tried to tease Christian, the poor kid ended up in tears. It was never Jericho's intention to make Christian cry—he was just a very emotional person. He put an arm around Christian's shoulder to comfort him, but Christian pushed it away.

"No, I'm not crying," he replied, but Chris knew he was. He could hear Christian hiccupping. The younger man folded his arms over his chest and scooted further away from Chris, still not making eye contact with him. Chris could hear Christian crying and he felt bad. He really had only meant to tease Christian a little bit, not make him cry.

"Yes you are," Chris replied. He reached over and gently wiped a tear off of Christian's cheek. "Come on, Chrissy, I didn't mean to make ya cry. I was just teasing you. I'm sorry."

Christian wiped his palm across his face and sighed. Maybe Chris was right and he was just a big baby. But his feelings got hurt very easy, and Chris knew that. If he had just gotten him a Mountain Dew instead of a Coke, this never would have happened. Was he being immature? Maybe. But when Christian wanted something and didn't get it, it made him upset.

"It's fine," he said softly. But Chris could tell that his friend was still upset, and he wanted to make it up to him. He rubbed Christian's back and sighed, as an idea came to his mind. He really didn't want to do it, but he knew it would make Christian feel better, so he was going to do it.

"Do you want me to get into my glittery blue pants so that you can make fun of how funny I look in them?" Chris asked, sighing. He knew that Christian always felt better when he could have a laugh at Chris's expense.

"Yeah!" Christian perked up. "I mean, those pants make your butt look **huge**! It looks like you took a bag of Milk Duds and stuffed them in the back." He wrinkled his nose. "Plus, you're short, so the boots and the pants make you look stumpy." A smile came over his face and Chris groaned. He wasn't in the mood to be made fun of, but if it meant that Christian would stop whining, maybe it wasn't so bad.

"I am **not** short," Chris replied. "I'm fun-sized." Christian liked to make fun of his height all the time, and it puzzled Chris. For one thing, he wasn't short, and for another, Christian wasn't really taller than him. Maybe half an inch at the most.

"Fun-sized." Christian giggled. "Don't they make fun-sized toys?"

Chris shoved his best friend as they made their way down the hallway to his bedroom.

"Shut up, junior. And if you want to talk about fun-sized, that's quite a fun-sized pimple you have on your chin." Chris grinned, ducking a punch from Christian.

"At least I don't have chunky thighs," Christian retorted, as he opened Jericho's bedroom door and stepped in.

"I might have chunky thighs, but the ladies love them," Chris replied, as he fished his glittery blue "Save Us" tights and placed them on his bed. "Besides, your thighs look like chopsticks, which are not attractive at all. With my chunky ones, you get a little extra to grab on to."

"You're a butt nugget, you know that?" Christian asked incredulously. "Seriously, I have no idea why I even hang around you. You're a dorkchop."

"It's because I'm a sexy beast, and you can't resist me," Chris replied matter-of-factly. "No one can." He started to undress, but first gave Christian a deathly glare.

"Would you mind turning around? I don't want you raping me with your eyes while I'm undressing."

Christian sighed.

"Okay, okay, I'm leaving," he replied, and slowly walked out of the room. But he didn't shut the door all the way. He only pulled it up halfway so that he could peek through the crack.

_You are a devil, _he thought. But hey, that was part of his charm.

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**Yeah, I know this probably sounded stupid, but I thought it was funny :) Kat, I hope you enjoy this. You ROOL (LMAO). Review :)**


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